The Original Superwoman

I interact with people all day long and it never ceases to amaze me how strange things are. Sometimes things just happen, and at other times it feels as though we are being "gifted" and all the right things are happening for all the right reasons at exactly the right time.

Recently, a friend stumbled "further" into my life and I couldn't be more thankful. She has been so inspirational to me at a time when I needed it most. She probably doesn't know it, but she has taught me a great lesson. There comes a point when we are more important than our past and we must draw upon an untapped future-changing superpower! (This doesn't mean that she encouraged me to run around in Underoos and capes.) Maria helped me to see that we have the ability to change our future by simply including ourself in the priority list- and by valuing this, we are able to love our families more deeply, become more authentic with our friends, and respectful of ourselves when faced with tough decisions.

She continues to be a light in my week- if even by the light of my cell phone as she sends a text reminding me that I really didn't want to eat a tub of frosting because gas prices were on the rise. (Yes, I am quite capable of coming up with all kinds of excuses!) Our short Starbucks visits are sometimes worth their weight in gold... because she gets it. She gets how hard this struggle is and how badly I want to get there. She gets it because she has been there and embraces and learns from all the imperfections along the way.

I am so excited to say that Maria truly is Superwoman- She made lifetime this week! Although, we have yet to celebrate (damn her for running off for a 1/2 marathon!) I know it won't be long before we get to! She looks absolutely amazing!

Congrats my friend- I am happy for you! OP-4LFer!

Recently Mike and I took a trip to San Diego with our friend Maria. I've been meaning to blog about it- because this "Activity-cation" was definitely worth repeating! We basically decided to go last minute and although time was tight, we were resolute on fitting as much activity into our time as possible. Hmmmm... let me re-phrase that, Maria and I were resolute. Mike, on the other hand, committed to showing us some of the best food in San Diego! (It's all about balance!)

We left Saturday morning and arrived about 10am. We biked along the boardwalk, climbed the tallest peak in San Diego, and ran 6 miles along the beach only to leave by 2pm the following day. All in all, we got in a great amount of activity- but we gained so much more along the way. Almost instantly, we felt empowered and renewed. There were no doubts, no excuses... Just twitching muscles itching for more.

It was while I was jogging along the beach that I got to thinking about excuses. Exhaustion and sleep deprivation were beginning to set in - and it would have been fairly easy to quit, but I kept telling myself that I was looking for an excuse and that isn't who I am anymore. Prior to starting this journey, there were so many times in my life where I made up an excuse in order to NOT complete an activity. Hell, for that matter, I would say I was darn proficient in finding excuses to never START an activity. And if I'm being completely honest, it wasn't just activity- it was risks, goals, challenges, wants, needs, you name it! For me, all these excuses made it impossible to see what my priorities were. It clouded who I was and who I wanted to be. I became some fowl mixture of angry, embarrassed, and hopeless.

It's funny, people always ask me, "What made you want to lose the weight?" Apparently being 401 pounds and depressed wasn't reason enough? I never knew how to answer that until very recently. I ran out of excuses.

So in Jen style, I am typically haunted by a topic over and over again until I admit that I've learned the lesson... and scream from the mountain high that "Yes, I get it!" So this weeks haunting comes to me through a book called, "Hot Sweaty Mamas - Five Secrets to Life as a Fit Mom," by Kara Thom and Larae Kocanda.

It is an amazing book- and I highly recommend it. I don't want to spoil it for those who want to give it a read- but chapter 5 talks about eradicating excuses. In summary, it explains that there are differences between excuses and reasons. Since reasons are positive forces in decision making and excuses are negative forces, it becomes easier to differenciate the feelings that might result from each.

There was something that I loved written in Chapter 5:

Reasons are succinct; excuses take explaining.
Reasons don't leave room for second-guessing; excuses do.
Reasons are truth; excuses are half-truths at best
Reasons don't crumble on examination; excuses do.
Reasons are not driven by fear; excuses are
Reasons allow us to reach our potential; excuses help us cheat.

I know I have a lot of friends who are struggling with the same topic and I'm pretty busy dealing with my own excuses- so I definitely can't promise to save you from yours. But, I'm always more than happy to help you find a reason to be healthy. You know where to find me.

I'm in this for good- No Excuses.

My Reunion with Aunt Flo

Wow- this week was a toughie! My daughter was away at camp, work involved a gauntlet of hour long meetings, and I had the "stay in bed" cramps that coincided with the worst menstrual period of the year.

I have to say that since I have started exercising, my battle with bad periods has eased a bit, but this month anemia set in- and I was down for the count. Still looking back at the week, my new healthy habits held strong and I can walk away holding my head high as I near the end of it all.

What I did right:

• Went to bed by 10pm (6 out of 7 nights)
• Continued to attempt workouts; if only to walk/swim casually after experiencing dizziness
• Demonstrated self understanding and compassion
• Spent some time with my husband/family/friends
• Put some thought into workout schedule change (Allison goes back to school in one week)
  

What I could have done better:

• Resisted some of the emotional eating
• Blogged more (Next week I'll carry around a notebook so I can start writing during free time)
• Tracked more (Only did 4 full days)
  

I think what I am most proud of is that I was "self aware" this week. I maintained my emotions and knowingly made choices. I gave into some physical/emotional urges but never ate past my point of satisfaction. I continued to stay as active as possible given the conditions, and understood when my body wouldn't tolerate it. In other words, I embraced the "life" part of the program- which has definitely been my personal challenge. It's nice to know that my S didn't disappear off of my chest- I'm still pretty super!

Past Due Assignment -10 points!

So two weeks ago we were given a green index card and asked to identify an 8 week "New Years in July" goal.

Since I tend to be an over achiever, I worried and panicked as potential goals popped in and out of my head.

My gut instantly went to time management, as quite honestly I'm in a pretty good groove right now with the (eating right + activity = loss thing) but it is the (work + blogging + chores/errands = life thing) that keeps throwing me the curve balls.

In the perfect world I would: Go to bed early, get up and work out, get ready for work, then take Allison to school, work intently for 8 hours, come home make dinner while keeping up with my friends, help with homework while doing the dishes, walk the dog while listening to the news, shag a bit (news and politics make me randy!) rinse and repeat. (Sorry but I'm married now and have to be honest we shag on the rare occasion - since it is activity I think it applies!)

I could come up with a mild goal like track even better... but I know I would be cheating myself. So calling upon a previous "life lesson," I chose to pick one or two key goals... and focus on the tough stuff.

After ruminating for a week, I finally identified the 2 items and I've just completed week 1. Let's just call it what it was; a stretching and warm up week.

The first goal: Go to bed earlier. (Aim for 10:00pm)
I went to bed early 2 nights last week. Next week we are aiming for 4 weeknights! Should be easier since Allison is out of town. I also worked on my prerequisites. I spoke with Mike and together we will work to reduce bedtime TV and other late night non-activity activities.

The second goal: Blog Already!
I know blogging helps me figure things out and really helps me to see where I have been and where I am going. I've decided that rather than look for a topic to blog about- I'll actually just blog about whatever it is going on. After all, this blog is about journaling- not necessarily entertaining my giant audience of... 6 :) I'm hoping that the blogging thing will subsequently help me with the ruminating thing I seem to be very proficient at! Good thing we have hidden (or not so hidden) talents! So I'll aim for 2 blogs a week.

Alright- 12 minutes till bed time and it is seriously storming out! (Seriously afraid of lightening- so under the covers it is!)

Kid Gives Speech After Learning To Ride A Bike

I felt like this kid this week! Broken, bruised, and battered... but darn it, I feel happy! No more training wheels... Just me and the wind on my face as I hurdle over obstacles. I know it won't be the last time I take a spill (can't do anything about pot holes or other drivers not being observant) but each time I get up it seems to get just a bit easier.

Battery is fully charged!

What a weekend! (I am now thoroughly convinced that every weekend should be three days long!)

• Enjoyed a starlight picnic with the best daughter (and salad) ever!
• Watched a hot mother-runner beat her personal record!
• Dosed up on Vitamin D pool-side
• Celebrated the holiday with family, good friends, and fish tacos (yes, not your standard memorial day fattening-fare!)
• Had a great introspective dream!
• Slept in with a snuggly puppy
• Tested out my green thumb
• Completed a high intensity workout at the gym
• Had lunch with my husband and daughter (even skipped the tortilla!)
• Washed the car
• Took an inner city drive with the family
• Super-Insane Healthy Dinner with an amazing friend who gets me completely
• Fell asleep snuggling with my munchkin and one pooped puppy after a game of chase the wiffle ball in the backyard.
• Woke up at 4:30 for a great hike/run @ South Mountain
• Scooped up some protein power
• Lost a bet
• Cleaned the bathroom (to pay for debt) and scrubbed the kitchen floors
• Topped the night off with a family dinner affair (Allison mastered the food processor!)

Ultimately a weekend spent with those I love, doing things I love... consider me charged and ready to face the week.















Allison in Hidden Valley- Fat Man Pass

Late night rendezvous with the treadmill. It almost didn't happen, but if I was forced to do the Bollywood video again, I was going to lose it!

Zoinks!

Let's try this blogging thing again!

Short Version:

• Celebrated the holidays
  
• Lost some more weight - Yay!
• Got married - Super-Yay!
• Got distracted and plateaued a bit - Boo Hiss
  
• Got real....again.
• Lost more weight!

Introducing Lynn

Well I have just completed week 10 of "operation- increase activity." With all that elliptical I thought I was toning... that was until yesterday.

"Footloose," was playing on the I-pod when I initially spotted Lynn working with a client about 5 weeks ago. (Hey- no mocking- its a bouncy song!) Instantly I knew she was the one. For the next couple weeks I stalked her. I realized that she wasn't one of those annoying trainers who made 200 lb women do rediculous things while attractive-skinny people pointed and laughed. On the contrary, she really tailored her routines to her client. I worked up the nerve to approach her and tell her what it is I was looking for. She totally got me!! In fact, she wasn't even mad when I said I didn't want nutritional advice! (Turns out she lost 75 lbs on WW herself!) I knew a few sessions would put a strain on the wedding budget- but hey, I decided to look at it as an investment. Money well spent to prevent my arm-wings from waving at my guests as I walked down the isle!

So session 1 was great! On Tuesday, I did all the exercises and in pretty good form I might add! I rocked it! Then I got up the next day and literally had to roll myself out of bed, crawl to the toilet, and call for emergency assistance when I needed to stand again. OH MY GOSH! DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness w/ 3 lbs of swelling) sucks! I ended up having to give up the cardio session yesterday and replace it with some hobbling to the end of the block to warm up the muscles. I followed it with a dip in the pool to ice it a bit. Then as I woke up today, it was even worse! I pathetically worked from home, but forced myself to limp to the gym in the late afternoon where I proceeded to stretch, massage, and do the arm portion of the routine. I avoided the squats that got me into trouble- and did a modified butt dip instead. (My own creation!) With luck tomorrow, I'll be back to the grind! She showed me a new elliptical alternative... Yes, I am going to cheat on my old machine... after all he was cheating on me with some anorexic in short-shorts. Hmmmmph!

Getting Enough?

I feel terrible for being off-line for so long. No worries though, my lack of writing does not mean I was off plan. Actually, I have been kicking some butt lately! My 4th of July/Labor Day challenge has resulted in just about 12 pounds of weight loss so far. I still have one full week to cap it off. Not bad for two months. Nice and consistent. It does help that I am continuing my stormy love affair with the elliptical machine- we have a sick and twisted relationship, so Mike doesn't have to worry... Yet.

It hasn't all been smiles though, work and back to school demands are definitely testing my ability to avoid stress eating. I'll even admit that some days I am the rock and other days... more of a giant jelly fish. Still, I have been able to stay on plan and avoid the spiral I typically would fall victim to when faced with some of the time management challenges. I think one of the things that has helped me the most was that three coworkers joined my WW meeting and another is considering. Helping them to understand the plan definitely helps me to stay more focused and cognizant of what I am doing on a day to day basis.

I'll share.

The first two weeks have been a bit hard on them. They are trying so hard, but seem to want to fall into old habits of eliminating almost all foods. They do this all day long so they can have more available points come the end of the day. Of course, come 6pm they are absolutely starving and the flood gates open and it becomes much harder to control what goes in. I can't blame them, I used to tell myself that smelling the salad bar counted as a vegetable serving! Oh, how the tables have turned, now I have become a loud and obnoxious drill sergeant, "More fruits, More Vegetables, More Water, More, More, More!"

We all know that in general we eat too much sugar, salt, and saturated fats... heck, most of us have a tendency too eat too much period! But what my journey with WW has taught me is that we eat or get too little of some items too. Whole grains, healthy oils/fish, fiber, vitamins/minerals, and exercise... so this week we are working ourselves out of the "but I don't like it" stage.

So I tried to recall what did it for me? What helped me to limit the "I wants" and focus on the "I needs?"

Hmmm... I guess I am a results oriented girl. Yes, this all takes some effort - Nothing new there. OHHH... but the great results. I'm not just talking scale here! Reducing my weight is helping me to avoid diseases and deficiencies too. I am literally lengthening my lifespan! I do have weeks where I am tempted to grumble about only losing .2 lbs, but it helps to mentally picture what I can do in 5 days. 5 days is the number I use to represent .2 of an 80 year lifespan. While it is definitely not scientific or factual; it keeps me from complaining about how little I lost and focus on what I have gained.

As they begin to see the results of all their efforts, I hope my coworkers realize that they are doing a great job! I know this is hard on them, but I am so very proud of all of their work. It gets easier- hang in there. Here comes week three- lets try some new foods!

P.S.
More Veggies!

You Get What You Need!

It may not have been a "plateau" plaguing me over the past 4 weeks, but I was definitely checking out the "foothills" and feeling a bit down! Frustrating as it may have been, I had an amazing week which ended in a breakthrough (both mental and physical!)

First, I realized that I need to stay inspired. Watching friends lose week to week is exciting- but this week I had the opportunity to visit a "new meeting" and get some outside motivation. I would never dream of missing my own meeting if I could help it, but I did love getting an extra-dose of WW in. I think I might consider this when I get in that funk again!

Secondly, Adrienne was out on vacation, but she arranged for one of our favorite "guest leaders" to step in. I swear if I didn't know better the lesson was directed at our side of the room. (At least that is what the head nodding and groaning told me.) Of course the topic was about.... you guessed it, plateaus. Basically, I found out that I was a whiny baby who was not on one...and that not everything has to be about the number on the scale. Stephanie was able to remind me that I am doing this to be healthy...and exercise is part of that, no matter how frustrating the ups and downs that come with it are!

Speaking of plateaus, I know lack of sleep and stress fall in there somewhere. I have to find ways to continue to work through those challenging areas- because I DO believe that those are two biggies that will continue to haunt me from time to time.

It is funny how there are those weeks where you get exactly what you need. I am so thankful!

I found this movie attachment funny- because believe it or not this song is on my workout play list. (Can you believe I have a workout play list???) I think Jack is a better dancer, however! I love the catch your breath part... :)

It is Independence Day!

On the Fourth of July, most Americans celebrate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence with picnics, parades and of course fireworks. While I am proud to live in a country where independence and liberty are valued, (in most states anyway) this year I will spend a large part of my day thinking about the word independence and what it means to me.

Last June, I realized my battle with food addiction was literally killing me. As I flirted with the 400 pound mark it became very evident that I had an increasing number of medical challenges, I was lost between somewhere between anger and depression, I hated leaving the house because I was so overweight, I struggled with putting on my own shoes and performing daily hygiene chores, I even stopped wanting to be intimate with my best friend... I was dying inside and out.

On June 2nd, I made a resolution to change the way I lived.

I decided to approach my battle much like an alcoholic does their urge to drink. My AA was WW. (Weight Watchers) I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting expecting to find a group of people suffering from the same negative self images, cravings, and challenges that I was. What I found instead was a family of people ready to embrace a new lifestyle (and me!) They were not suffering, but engaged in the challenge of weight loss. The leader and her cronies were not judgmental- but supportive, and together they shared stories from the different phases of their personal journeys. Sitting my butt in a chair and waiting for a miracle to happen was not going to be an option. They were going to hold be accountable, but with love and understanding. And so began my journey...

A month later, I was struggling, I mean really struggling! Every fat cell in my body was screaming for bacon covered, pizza flavored cupcakes. I was still afraid of being in my car alone. I just knew the McDonald's Arches were going to force me into a drive through where I would have no choice but to order 3 big-macs and 2 cokes. (The 2 cokes proved I wasn't going to eat it all myself-even though I was.) I was still terribly fearful that I wasn't going to be able to shed the 200lbs of personal tyranny I had accumulated. Still, I was learning to make wise decisions and my family and friends were beginning to encourage my efforts. Hopeful, I promised to continue to use the tools I was being given in the meetings and trust that if I just stayed on plan- I would see results.

This year, I am proud to celebrate my independence from food. I now control my constitution and amend it when needed. I am happier and healthier than I can remember, I have added exercise into my regimen, and have discovered and renewed personal relationships. Knowing what it takes to be successful is essential and I frequently have to review "the basics" and identify pesky habits that attempt to creep back into my lifestyle. It helps to be armed with the right tools and the right people. With their help, I have learned how to avoid and eliminate trigger items and effectively handle the emotions that contributed to my overeating.

We often celebrate the birth of our country by lighting up the sky... this year those fireworks have a different meaning for me. They celebrate my success and victory over food, (and the successes of my WW family) they encourage me in my efforts over the next year, and best represent how I feel each morning when I look in the mirror.

Happy Independence Day!

From mix

Up to no good...

From mix

"Ladies glow, men perspire and winners sweat their asses off”

(The also have really cheesy grins on their faces and take stupid pictures of themselves in a gym locker room.)

Had a great night at the gym- Completed a high-intensity work out (with interval sprints) and managed not to trip over the vacuum cord. (Yes- I've done it twice now.)

I did notice that the gym attracts all kinds of strange people. Tonight I kept pace with a lady who kept looking over her shoulder at ME like I was physically trying to chase her. After about 20 minutes of this, I decided it would be fun if I did! If she sped up, I sped up... if she slowed down, I slowed down. I know I should feel badly -but it was fun.

Neck Bones gonna rise again!

Goofing around with the camera before work! Mike says I have a Helen Hunt neck... whatever!

I'm just thankful- I am developing a neck!

I also went to the doctor today. I hadn't been in over two years and I was looking to establish a new relationship with a family physician. I totally loved her! I am a little nervous about the lab results. My blood pressure was a bit elevated, but I think it was because I knew the computers were down in the Emergency Department at work. Bleh! (Either that or I need a spa weekend!)

From After

HUGE success or disappointment?

I just watched the pilot episode of HUGE on ABC Family. At first I thought the show's message was a bit bipolar, but a closer look revealed a teenage struggle between being proud of your fat, hiding behind your fat, or taking action against your fat. I think it also made an honest effort to demonstrate the emotional, physical, and mental states of being healthy and how labels can negatively impact each of these. It will be interesting to see how the show develops. It definitely had me drawing on a few forgotten memories. Two quotes that resonated with me:

• It doesn't get easier- you just start wanting it more...
• You would rather risk your life than change your life...?

From Blogger Pictures

You want me to what?!?!

I had a great weigh in last week and met my goal of 250lbs! Seems like the increase in activity paid off. Woot!

Before I could even step off the scale- Adrienne (my devoted leader) was there giving me a hug and singing my praises. Everyone was smiling and all was right in the world of weight loss... that was until she decided that it was a great time to mention THE goal. Seriously?! How does she do it? It is like she instinctually knows what drives each of us. I nodded and smiled... I think I even glared at one point during the meeting. (Weight loss is a love/hate relationship- thankfully, she doesn't take it personally!) Finally the meeting was over and I left there in deep calculation.

The theme continued throughout the week as people in the gym, at work, and even at the supermarket asked me what my final goal is. Well Crap! I started thinking maybe it was time to set it.

Today I sat down and evaluated the BMI charts.... and I just CAN'T do it! The number just seems too foreign. It's like going to QT and paying $1.60 for gas instead of $2.50 - can you imagine the pandemonium?

No reason to panic, My BMI research was not a total loss. I decided my next mini goal would be 202.5 lbs. Yes, a slightly strange goal but this number will successfully bring me out of the obese category. (Something that hasn't happened since I was in adolescence)

In order to appease my guilty conscience I decided to begin journaling in the form of a blog. After all, journaling is a form of evaluation and goal setting, right?

I am hoping that tracking and journaling my progress will help me to stay focused and accountable. I'll work to write down weekly goals, exercises, feelings and what small changes I am noticing in everyday life.

So here is to the first post and to the next 46 lbs! *Cheers*